Since every situation is different and everyone has their own personality, this type of format is great to use with people on the spectrum as the social rule is stated on one side, and the other side is how does it apply to me and what are my feelings around it. He sent out a list of his personal dating tips which I think are quite good. Here are 10 tips for guys to think about:. Letting other people praise your accomplishments is much more attractive to girls and women than acting like you are your own biggest fan.
Work on your manners. Girls tend to appreciate a guy who knows not to talk with his mouth full, how to stand back and let someone else enter a door first, and how to keep his voice volume low in a crowded movie theater.
Get a girl mentor, or several. I made friends with girls in my high school classes who I could ask questions about what girls expected or would like. An older sister or even your mom can be a great source of information. Find a girl with interests similar to yours.
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Maybe you both excel in a class. Get to know a girl before you ask her out. Less pressure makes for a better first date. When you ask a girl on a date, make it specific. If you wish, you can then wait a few days and ask her out again to a different event. One of the biggest mistakes guys make is talking too much about themselves or their interests. This is a special challenge for guys with Asperger Syndrome. When you talk with a girl, make your point and then give her a chance to respond.
If she changes the subject, try and talk about the new subject for a while. Assume that a girl cares as much about her interests as you do yours and her opinions are just as valid. She is not less or more, she is different — in some interesting ways. People often talk about things to help them think them through, or just to have another person sympathize. Pointing out what you see as a simple solution to her problem is not likely to earn you admiration for being smart. Here are some things you can do:. Most people with AS don't actually want to be "picked up" or compliments, they prefer intelligent conversation.
Be extra courteous e. People with AS tend to want to talk a thought through to its entirety. Let them finish rather than being rude and interrupting. Interrupting someone with AS is difficult for them to get back on track, so be patient and listen. Ask your date's boundaries. Autistic people may be uncomfortable with certain types of touch and intimacy, because of sensory issues.
To find out what works for them, just ask. Having a clear conversation is easy for many autistic people, and you'll get a clear sense of what your partner likes. Give them enough alone time to process information and situations. Be aware that loud, bright, and crowded environments are like their own personal hell. They will need to avoid these places or have a clear time limit of how long they will be in them in order to deal with the overstimulation.
People with AS decompress in different ways than NTs. This could be being alone, staring off into space, or stimming.
They need to do these things and it is not a choice - it is a need. Ask for clarity if you're confused about what your date is thinking or doing. Aspies often can relate to being confused in social situations, and your date will likely be happy to tell you what's on their mind. Here are some examples of things you can ask: Is something going on, or do you just like to look out windows when you're listening?
Be clear about your own thoughts and feelings. Picking up on body language can be difficult work for an autistic person, and they might not realize what's going on, or guess completely wrong. If you want them to know your feelings, the easiest way is to express them out loud. I'm a little on edge today because of my dad coming. You did nothing wrong.
I would like to have rearranged my schedule so that I could be there for her. Respect their space, and let it go as slowly as it needs to.
Increase Your Confidence with these Dating Tips for Aspergers Women
Some autistic people like to have things "just so," and having a stranger or acquaintance in a personal area feels unnerving to them. Let things move slowly, and ask before coming over. Since autistic people tend to think literally, your date may think that an invitation indoors is nothing more than an invitation indoors.
Talk about sex before trying it. Everyone has different preferences and boundaries, and autistic people's preferences may be different from what you typically expect. Some have sensory issues that make it difficult, while others have enhanced sensation. Talk to your partner and see how they feel about it. Talk to your date about how you want them to respond to problems. Aspies can struggle with feelings, and may find it easier to focus on problem-solving. If your partner isn't responding in a way that helps you, tell them what you need instead, such as "I know you mean to help by offering advice, but right now, I just really need to vent.
Don't avoid discussing your feelings for fear of upsetting them. It's important to be honest; your feelings are also important, and your date will recover. Be prepared for your partner to show and experience emotions differently.
How does a person with ASD date successfully?
They may not understand their own feelings alexithymia , and thus act less emotional than others e. This does not mean that they aren't experiencing emotions. Autistic people may react with a problem-solving approach: They may not realize that you don't want advice, just a listening ear.
Autistic people may appear emotionless, even when they are experiencing deep emotions. Be ready for a meltdown. Meltdowns are the result of bottled-up stress exploding, and are not done on purpose.
Dating Tips for Aspergers Women
React calmly and compassionately if this happens, and get your partner away from the situation that triggered it. Sitting them down somewhere familiar for a bit will help. Taking them outside, or to a quiet place, usually helps.
Avoid touching them or talking unnecessarily; they may not be able to handle it. Offer things that typically calm them e. If they say no, don't push; it means that thing would be unhelpful. Let them have time to calm down afterwards. Appreciate your partner's special interest s.
Dating Tips for Aspergers Women
Many autistic people have a few favorite subjects sports statistics, cats, writing fiction that they are very passionate about. These are a great way to their heart. Ask questions about the subject, get involved e. My boyfriend has Asperger's and his family does not get him the help he needs. He has also developed depression and anxiety.
We are both How can I help him legally?
Ask a school psychiatrist for help. If parents won't help, ask grandparents. Somebody will have to do something. Not Helpful 0 Helpful Tell him you'd like to spend more time with him.
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Subtle hints are likely to go unnoticed, so be compassionately clear. Explain that you enjoy being with him and want to do it more. Then, start inviting him out more often.